The Fine Line Between Judgment and Differences
It was around 2pm and I was pushing Owen towards the playground when we passed two women with 3 kids between them.
“Put that stick down or I’ll smack your butt with it!” One mom jauntily said to her presumably 5 year old. He giggled and they walked on.
My immediate thought was, “That’s not what I plan to say in that scenario.”
Then I instantly felt guilty of judging this mother, what a bad feeling! The rest of the walk to the playground I mulled it over. Was I actually judging her? I’ve had this thought pop up pretty regularly as a new mom.
I am horrified at the thought of judging another woman, especially a mother. Women have enough judgement coming at them already, but that can’t mean we all do everything the same.
I’m realizing that these thoughts are merely differences, not judgements. It can feel judgmental to look at what another mom is saying, doing, wearing, buying, etc., and recognize that isn’t how you operate (or plan to operate). But that isn’t judgment.
Judgment is thinking that your way is better. Differences are acknowledging your way is better for you (right now, at least).
The other piece of this, is recognizing that we don’t know the whole picture. I looked at my watch, it was 2:30. That’s a LOT of day under your belt with young kids! Who knows what their day was like, or what this particular child responds to. I can certainly tell you that she knows more than I do.
Maybe you’ve already figured this out (hats off to you!), but I wanted to put this out there incase you’ve felt like you’re building a wall with judgments, instead of growing your Village with support.
My goal is to help new moms and moms-to-be build Their Village, because I truly believe, as moms, we thrive by bringing other women into our circle. Raising kids is hard work!
From the moment you are pregnant, your life isn’t your own anymore. This can be exciting and terrifying at the same time! I coach women through their journey with compassion, support, and knowledge. To see what health coaching can do for you, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a free 20 minute Discovery Call.