Stop Feeling Guilty if You’re Having Trouble Getting Pregnant!

When you start trying for a baby, it’s especially exciting, and the possibility of seeing two pink lines feels in close reach. After a couple of months, they newness wears off, and after several months, you start expecting to see one line.

Maybe you’ve been trying for 9 months naturally, or perhaps you’re on your second round of fertility treatments, regardless of what “having trouble” means to you, it starts to feel personal. Very personal.

You feel like something is wrong with you, that it’s something you did (or didn’t) do, something you could do better. If you read more about conception, if you started a fertility diet  earlier, if you weighed less, or more.

When we were between cycles of IUI‘s, one of the changes I made was cutting out caffeine. We’re kind of coffee snobs (well, more so my husband than me!), and when he pulled out a package of decaf coffee, saying “what the hell is this?” I blurted, “It’s decaf because I’M making all these changes to MY body, and none of it’s working, but I still want the taste of coffee!!”

I realized I felt somehow at fault. Like I should do more than I was already doing. That so many women who weren’t even trying were getting pregnant and having babies and my body wasn’t able to.

I get the sense that many women who are having trouble place at least some of the blame on themselves, which isn’t the healthy mindset you want when trying for a baby. They may have made dozens of healthy changes, but stress over not giving up a glass of wine once a week, or worry that they’re having too many carbs, or not walking enough, etc.

Getting pregnant has so many factors, many that are totally out of our control, yet we walk around feeling is must be something that we looked over, that we aren’t committed enough to make it happen.

It’s natural to want to place the blame on something, but placing it on yourself is fruitless, and exhausting. Instead, list out all of the things you are doing. When you’re in doubt and feelings of guilt pop up, look at your list, or think of the things you’ve done that day that have a positive effect on your fertility.

Another way to cut out the guilt is to talk to other women who are also TTC (Trying To Conceive). Sure, there are those who get pregnant quickly, but the more women you talk to openly about it, the more you will see how common it is to take longer than expected.

I understand. It’s really tough when you don’t know how long it’s going to take. If someone could tell you that you’d be pregnant in 8 months, you’d sit back and enjoy life, watching those 8 months fly by. But when you expect it to take 2 months, by month 6 you’re doubting your own body.

I can’t tell you how long it will take, and there’s no single quick fix that works universally. What I can tell you is you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Trying to conceive can be a weird time of your life. It’s incredibly personal, but can feel isolating when you don’t know who to share such intimate information with. This is exactly why I started offering preconception health coaching sessions!

Want to feel connected throughout your TTC journey? Preconception Coaching is perfect for you! I offer free 20 minute discovery calls to see if coaching is right for you. Email me at and let’s talk.

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