3 Key Questions That Will End Negative Comparison
There is one thing that shows up in pretty much every aspect of our lives and is insanely quick to knock us down a notch.
To be clear, it’s natural to compare ourselves. I honestly don’t see being fully human without some aspect of comparison popping up, but it doesn’t have to derail you.
First, acknowledge that its going on. I hear so many times “I shouldn’t compare myself” and an attempt to brush it off and not think about the crummy feeling.
I want you to feel it then ask these questions:
1. What am I really comparing myself to?
I worked with a copywriter for my website last year and was told to check out other coaches similar to me and note what I liked and didn’t like about their sites. After 10 minutes I started to feel less than. I felt I would never reach their level. I closed the computer and did some thought work.
What was I comparing myself to? For starters, the first page Google results! One woman talked about her 30 years of coaching. I am 36. There is no way I could have her experience. Then, there’s the fact that a website does not show me what type of business someone has, and how “good” of a coach they are.
Read This: Quit Comparing and Stop Your Mom Guilt
2. What would that actually be like for me. Is that something I actually want?
When you start saying “I should be more like XYZ”, try it on for yourself. In your mind, what would that feel like? Quick story: We had friends come visit for a day, and they are full-blown digital nomads. They do not have a true home base and live in various Airbnbs changing every couple of weeks. I had that fleeting thought of, “Aw man I am just conforming and how cool is that to travel and life so freely? I want that!”
Instantly I pictured what that would feel like for me. NOPE! I love a routine and I am deeply comforted with my own home, space, things. I would NOT thrive in that life!
3. What am I going to do with this feeling
If you do not want it for yourself, awesome! You’re now able to let that idea go and not waste anymore of your time and energy. However, if you tried it on and it does feel like something you want in your life, do something about it. Decide what you like about it, and take action.
My friend, Jackie, is an amazing connector. She networks very naturally and actually produces amazing things with people she meets. Instead of saying, “Ugh, I never get anything from networking events.” I signed up for her workshop on powerful connections and not only felt super inspired but left with a plan.
Instead of shaming yourself for falling into the comparison trap, actively work through the thoughts. It doesn’t have to be overly complicated, simply get curious with these 3 questions.
Beating the comparison trap is something I routinely help my clients break through. Curious to see what’s possible for your own life when you rise above it? Let’s talk!